Out in the yard the kiddies are all having a fuckin good time at Brian's tenth birthday party. Oh lets all giggle together. Lets inhale helium. Lets walk around with chocolate on our fuckin faces and act like idiots. Fuckin brats. The girlies with the little grass stained dresses showing off their cotton undies everytime they sit down. How the hell am I supposed to not stare? Fuckin brats. And Brian is the star of the show. BRIAN’s name on all the balloons. TO BRIAN on all the gifts. Oh isn't he the lucky one! Ten years old and a superstar for the day. Lets take a picture of BRIAN! Lets watch BRIAN open his gifts! Lets let BUH-RIAN blow out his candles! OOOhh.. he did them all at once! Did you make a wish BRIANNN!? I made a wish. I wish everyone was dead. I wish that every birthday I ever had - but do I get my wish... NOT ONCE! Good luck with yours birthday boy.
The kids seem awfully drawn to me - I assume because I'm in this clown costume. Look at me dance kids! Look at me fall down on my fuckin ass! Look at me piss myself! Look at me grab you all by the throats and choke you down! Look at me spray you all with gasoline and light you up so I can watch a flaming parade. Maybe god will think it's his birthday! But it's not gods birthday today it's better than that! IT'S BRIAN'S!!
OH look BRIAN lets play pinata. get the stick BRIAN lets see what prizes are in store for you bratboy. I hoist up the pinata especially built for this party and hand Brian the stick and give him a little tickle. I blindfold him and spin his around as the kids cheer him on. Swing Brian SWING buddy! WHAK it Brian!
Swing and a miss swing and a miss swing and a miss. Then finally whack! Brian makes contact and sends the pinata spinning. I get nervous that it's gonna leak before it splits open but it holds together. WHACK! a good shot that time and the kids cheer again. GO BRIAN GO! Swing and a miss followed up by a WHACK! In slow motion the pinata splits in two releasing the goodies inside.
A full belly of human diarrhea pours down all over Brians head. The chunky stinky browness (all from the butt of yours truly) covers him and gives him a birthday suit of brown brown. At first there is silence. Dead silence. Then the laughter begins. The children slow build to absolute hysterics. Pointing and giggling. One kid shouts out 'DOODY!'. Brian is too stunned to cry. He looks at his hands in disbelief. At ten and practically a man I feel the best birthday gift he could receive is a proper introduction to manhood, life, and all it's brownious slendor. I join in with the laughter as I pull the gun from my extra large 'Look at me! Aint I a clown!' pants.
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