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Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
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1:49 am
[rape_man]
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I'm
leaving this community because I feel raped by your hatred.
I'm leaving this community because you all are a bunch of closeminded
fucks. You were all hostile to me from the beginning, without even asking
me why I was here or who I am. And now you have the nerve to threaten to
notify the "LJ Administration"? To do what, set upon me like the
pack of hounds you are? Do you think the "LJ Administration" are
your henchmen that they would spit upon me just because a bunch of
hatemongers decided to look at a username and rush to your stupid
conclusions?
I don't want to wave karma on your faces like a pile of vomit staring up at
the dog that just returned to it, as is fit for the dog's lot, but if this
is your attitude to everybody, then you all deserve everything that's ever
happened to you. I'm sure none of you were really raped anyway, because if
you were you'd know how it feels and you wouldn't set yourselves upon an
innocent internet stranger like a pack of killer flies to a pile of shit.
Current Mood: furious
Current Music: Nirvana - Rape Me
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Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
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11:10 pm
[juliegrrl]
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On the
subject of inconsiderate people.
Don't feed the troll.
Don't respond to him at all.
Just wait until a mod can ban him.
Hey mods? Hurry up please.
COMMENTS HERE LOLOLOL CLICK
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10:58 pm
[rape_man]
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Hello, newbie here. :)
Feel free to add me to your friends lists. :)
I hope to make lots of new friends in this community.
Current Music: BW Step Inside
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Monday, August 30th, 2004
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1:36 pm
[bluzgoddess]
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my
sexual history in a nutshell
Here is my sexual history in a nutshell.
* I lost my virginity when I was 13 years old. All of my friends at that
time had lost it when they were 11. I was convinced that I had to lose it
before I was 14, so in a desperate attempt to do that, I offered myself up
to my 12 yr. old neighbor. I HATED it, so I stopped it about 2 mins. into
the encounter. I had resolved not to have sex again for a very, very long
time.
Flash forward about 4 months later...
* I was in 8th grade and dating a sophomore in high school that I had met
at my CHURCH (keep this in mind). He came to stay with my family because he
claimed his father was abusing him. He was in our house for about a week
when he raped me. We had been fooling around when he pulled down my shorts
and whipped out his dick. I told him no, but he refused to listen. I kept
saying "no" through out the whole ordeal, and the only thing that
got him off of me was when I said I thought I heard my mom coming.
I eventually told my sister and one of our mutual friends the next day, and
we kicked him out. But they didn't really believe it was rape, they said I
had to have done something to make him think it was ok. I went to other
friends and they told me pretty much the same thing.
No one had really heard much about acquaintence rape at that point. Its
gotten a lot of attention in recent years, but no one really thought it was
possible for a boyfriend to rape his girlfriend 6 years ago. Because of
this, I never told my parents about what happened.
So here I was left with a dilemma. Both experiences I had had with sex at
that point were awful. After Justin raped me, I was also left feeling as if
I had no control over my body or what happened to it. So I decided that no
one would take advantage of me again, instead, I would be the one in
control. I would be the one to initiate things.
This lead to a couple sexual encounters in High School with guys I was
dating, but never actually cared about. I just had something to prove to
myself at the time.
I have never had intimate sex. Listening to my pastor talk about the incredible
possibilities of sex between two loving partners stirred up a longing
inside of me that I was not prepared for.
And I realize that the unity of physical, emotional, and spiritual doesn't
happen with every couple or every single act of intercourse... but I do
long for that to happen to me.
Maybe it will take years for me to find the right situation for that to
happen, maybe it won't happen until I've been married for 20 years... who
knows? I just find myself longing for it right now
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Sunday, August 29th, 2004
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9:57 pm
[cranberrygirl13]
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i'm reading the volunteer manual for a sexual assault
support services organization here in eugene, oregon, where i am
volunteering and i started thinking more about my own situation... which
always makes for feeling kinda grumpy and twisty... anyway, it took a
really, really long time (12 or 13 years) for me to recognise that what
happened to me was indeed rape, and call it that, and since then i have
been dealing with thinking about it ina different way, namely, not blaming
myself. and for the most part, i do okay about that. but i've also sorta
thought that the person who did this to me probably didn't know what he was
doing. that he didn't set out to rape me. that when i said no, he thought i
didn't mean it. so in the area of personal repsonsibility, i have never
really given him credit. but now i'm starting to think i should give him
that responsibility in my mind (i haven't seen him in years). it changes
the way i think about the whole experience, though, which is wierd for me.
i always just thought of him as some 17 year old kid who really thought i
wanted to have sex with him. now i'm trying on thinking of him as a person
who heard me say no and went ahead and had sex with me anyway. that makes
him a rapist.
this is wierd. ;(
Current Mood:  anxious
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2:08 pm
[bellslave]
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SI
I don't know why, but today I'm having bad problems with body memories. The
NEED to cut is pressing in and none of the things the Dr. told me to
substitute are helping. I don't want to start that again and I don't know
what to do to keep from it!
Current Mood:  guilty
Current Music: none :(
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6:19 pm
[elvenshoo]
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Not
strictly related, but...
...Is it just me, or is this bordering on child porn?
http://www.childsupermodels.com
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Saturday, August 28th, 2004
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10:06 pm
[angelnnej]
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I'm having a hard time with relationships lately. I keep
trying to at them but every time i start a relationship I end up picking a
guy that doesn't feel like he is mature enough for a relationship and we
never get past the point of getting to know each other. This just happened
to me again. I feel trapped and I begin to wonder if I'll ever have a good
relationship. he was the only person I have even kissed and I was
terrified not to is the reason i did. All the things he has said to me
about nobody loving me like he did..nobody wanting me like he did....i
always come back to this when this happens. I feel so lost tonight...lost
and alone. I dont know what to do. I dont know how to change this. I dont
know how to move forward. Am i just not a girlfriend type? WHy doesn't
anybody want to stay and try to be with me....
Current Mood: crushed
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12:03 pm
[xtremeroswellia]
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The man who molested me when I was younger died
yesterday. His obituary was in this morning's paper. I feel like I should
be relieved, or glad, but all I feel is complete indifference. I think it
hasn't quite sunk in yet.
(2
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Friday, August 27th, 2004
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3:38 pm
[calvinocritic]
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My
Story
You guys have been so supportive. I've taken the time to write out my
story. Feel free to read and comment. Its such a relief just to be able to
share it in a positive environment.
( Last
year was the beginning of my sophomore year of college ... )
(3
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Thursday, August 26th, 2004
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12:53 am
[calvinocritic]
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Scared
I was sexually assaulted by two men about 9 months ago. I would really love
to share my story here, but (and I know this sounds dumb) I'm too scared
that someone who I know will recognize the story and know this is me. This
is mostly because when the even happened one of my best friends at the time
turned on me a few weeks later (for a completely separate reason) and
decided to tell everyone I was lying about it. I still haven't quite gotten
over that and so I feel like whoever I tell will just be looking at me
thinking, "Yeah right. Why would you lie about something like
that."
So I guess I'm looking for some abstract support here.
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Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
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8:02 pm
[through_thefire]
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got me
thinking
I had an interesting session with my T today and I was wondering if anyone
here might have any thoughts on this topic. She asked me if I thought it
was possible to have a happy and productive life after sexual trauma. I
replied "yes" without hesitation, which was interesting in itself
since I am the eternal pessimist. She asked me what made me so certain and
basically all I could come up with is that I know it's possible to function
after a trauma of any kind. A person might have to adjust coping skills and
will definitely see the world differently but it's got to be possible. She
told me that wasn't really an answer to the question she had asked but
asked why I was so sure of that. My reply was that I had to be because
otherwise, why have I done all of this work, right?( cut
for length )
Current Mood:  contemplative
Current Music: Green Day - American Idiot
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Tuesday, August 24th, 2004
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2:02 pm
[jjsee]
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grrr
oh this pisses me off. one of the sick freaks that reads this journal is a
sex addict. I just put my im stuff on my info for contact purposes then
this freak :thee_voice ims me and says "you were forced?" I
started asking him ?'s and he says he read about it on this community. I
asked him if he was a member and he didnt respond. So I found his journal:
Phone Sex. Then he typed Im a perv. I then proceeded to block him and write
a very pissed off comment in his journal that probably wont be posted but
who gives a flying fuck. I CANT BELIEVE HE TRIED TO GET OFF WITH ME! That
makes me sick to my stomach!!!!!!!!! I feel so disgusted right now. men
make me sick!!!!!!!!!!1
Jess
Current Mood:  murderous
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Monday, August 23rd, 2004
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1:56 pm
[onmytoes]
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I am so angry with myself. I didn't leave. I let fear
stop me and its been down hill ever since. I have a pretty bad injury to my
leg and I am too afraid to get it checked out. Mainly because I blame
myself for it. Had I left I would be following my dream. Everything had
worked out for me. Its hard when you feel weak. When you feel like you
can't stop a person from hurting you. I feel like I can't stop people from
hurting me. Like men can just get at me and abuse me whenever they damn
well please. I hate that I have never once felt like I could be safe in any
form under my own power. Like for happiness I have to find the one truly
good man in my area and hope he will love me enough to not only not hurt me
but also not let any one else hurt me as well. I hate that I am so small
and have so little upper body strength. I hate that people think I have a
great life and it must be nice having my boy friend because he is so good
to me. I hate hurting the way I do pretty much everyday without any sign of
change.
I need to go to the doctor but I am afraid that he really hurt my leg and
that everything I worked so hard for is gone. If he destroyed my future
more than I already think he has what will I do.
Sorry this wasn't exactly where I thought this post was going when I
started.
Current Mood: anxious
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2:39 pm
[jaylanna]
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hi everyone... this is my first post here....i had a
concern and would like to see what ya'll think......and of course i am a
survivor of sexual assalut and molestation.....anyway....my mom's boyfriend
has harassed me....making comments...and stuff.....like following me around
and staring at me, grabbed my tit, staring at my ass in front of my
mom,telling me i should let him watch me have sex with his niece's mom, and
take nude pics of me........things like that....since i had my son my
feelings bounce up and down or anywhere...he is now 4 and it still
happens....like if anyone looks at me the wrong way at the right time i
feel extremely violated.......i recently found out that when they first got
together, he was caught staring at me while i was asleep in my room while
my boyfriend ws in the shower and i was told that i was exposed and
nude.....this really bothered me and made me feel dirty and
violated.......and it still bothers me.....and yes , mom is still with
him.....but what i would like to know is that, is this normal to feel badly
for something that happened so long ago??
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1:45 am
[jjsee]
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yikes
Well I went home this past week and had a very bad bad time. Every road I
was on, every car I was in, every room I was in I had some memory. Then
above all else I stayed in the room where everything started. I didnt want
to go into the bedroom where my sister was though b/c I was scared that
having someone in my bed would be worse. I didnt get any sleep on both of
the nights I was there. I hate my house. I hate going home too. Im good
now. I have to go back though before the end of the year for the sizing of
my dress. My sisters getting married...YAY! Stephen is supposed to go but
whether he does or not...oh well. Well just updating...peace.
Jess
Current Mood:  grateful
Current Music: Shania Twain
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Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
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8:00 pm
[doggleduck]
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I want
your stars...mine no longer shine brightly.
Well hello.
I guess now that I'm here, I should introduce myself.
My name is Amy.
When I was five I was molested by a mall 'santa clause'.
When I was 12 I was raped in a park by the river. I didn't know him. I was
returning books to the library and he used his beer bottle to knock me
unconcious and when I woke up he was ripping me apart, or that's what it
felt like.
In addition from the time I was 4 to the time I was 10 my father was
extremely abusive to the point of breaking my fingers on a bi-monthly basis.
(I know it's a little off topic but I feel it fits snugly with the content
of this community)
I now have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me dearly and let's me cry on
his shoulder. And I don't think I've ever been happier.
I hope this isn't too long.
Current Music: Sad house daddy - Hawksley
Workman
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4:39 pm
[morgan_jennifer]
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just wanted to post about the responses i've gotten on
the lyrics i posted. i'm glad those words are what people need/want/ to
hear and to givefair credit the lyrics are from a song entitled every six
minutes from the movie prey for rock and roll. i don't suggest seeing the
movie if your prone to triggers.
MJ
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4:27 pm
[innocencelost]
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Like
I'm @ An AA Meeting...
::stands up and clears throat::
"Hello, my name is InNo, and I'm a rape victim...."
( if
y'all don't say )
Looking forward to cracking jokes to make folks smile and just chat with
folks that understand.
Peace & Blessings, InNoCenceLost
Current Mood:  blah
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Saturday, August 21st, 2004
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6:17 pm
[morgan_jennifer]
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Prey for Rock and Roll... [19 Aug 2004|08:08pm]
[ mood | angry ]
Every 6 Minutes
Every 6 minutes
Someone says "no"
Every 6 minutes
She gets ignored
It's not what you're wearing
Its not where you've been
The fact that they think so
Tells you somethin' bout sin
Every 6 minutes
A woman cries
Because every 6 minutes
Her pleas are denied
No one's asking for it
It's no woman's secret desire
The fact that they think so
Is a man-made liar
The passing of time
Brings you closer to me
Cause I've got love and justice
Keeps you free
I've got .38 special
Reasons at my side
Face the ultimate "no" big boy
This time I'll decide
If I had a bullet
For every six minutes
I know just where to put it
Every six minutes
Running your heart
And runnin' your brain
Maybe I've gotta start
It just might ease my pain
The passing of time
Brings you closer to me
Cause I've got love and justice
Keeps you free
I've got .38 special
Reasons at my side
Face the ultimate "no" big boy
This time I'll decide
If I had a bullet
For every six minutes
I know just where to put it
Every six minutes
If I had a bullet
For every six minutes
I know just where to put it
Every six minutes
x6
Every six minutes
(every six minutes)
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